WLTGWITU Chapter 23

How am I supposed to go to work the next day? I got a little impatient and kept urging her to sleep. She got unhappy and started crying, saying I didn’t care about her. I was really sleepy, so I just hung up the phone and put my phone on silent. When I checked this morning, she had called eight times, all the way until four-thirty. Because of her fuss last night, I felt dizzy when I got up this morning. Even though I was pretty unhappy, she is my girlfriend after all, so I asked her on WeChat if she was feeling better. As a result, she snapped back at me: “Mind your own business.” Fine, that’s great, acting like this and not letting people say anything. I already didn’t sleep well last night because of her, and then she snaps at me, I really have nowhere to vent my anger.

I remembered some old grievances from the past. Once I had a bit of a fever and fell asleep after getting off work. My phone was on silent, so I didn’t hear anything. When I woke up the next day, there were dozens of WeChat messages and a dozen phone calls. I was so scared that I quickly called back to apologize and explained my situation. She didn’t even show me any sympathy, she just talked about her own grievances, blaming me for ignoring her. She even told me that even if I felt sick in the future, I had to tell her, but falling asleep isn’t something I can control. Anyway, there were all sorts of issues, including the demand for a bride price of 300,000, and because she was from such a big first-tier city like Shanghai, she always felt that her girlfriend was marrying up. But not giving a bride price wasn’t acceptable, and if they did give a bride price, it would only be 50,000 to be used for jewelry. The girlfriend’s mother got angry when she heard the future mother-in-law say such things about her daughter and stopped the discussion immediately, dragging her girlfriend home and scolding her severely, saying, “Look at the kind of husband you’re finding, what kind of mother-in-law, what kind of family? How dare you get pregnant out of wedlock with a family like this, you’re shameless.” My girlfriend is an only child, and her parents actually planned to give the 300,000 bride price back to her after the wedding, and add another 200,000 as a dowry for the young couple. They actually wanted to make sure their daughter wouldn’t be mistreated in her new home, but the man’s family from Shanghai felt that the girlfriend and the child in her belly weren’t worth 300,000, which made the girlfriend’s parents very angry.

That night, the Shanghai man called the girlfriend, blaming her for not stopping her parents, saying the scene was too embarrassing, but he didn’t mention the bride price at all, nor did he comfort my girlfriend. The girlfriend thought that the Shanghai man’s family wasn’t unable to come up with 300,000 for the bride price, they just didn’t want to give it and looked down on her so much. She was really too sad, so she proposed breaking up, and also wanted to abort the child. Who knew that when the Shanghai man heard that the girlfriend wanted to abort the child, his attitude immediately changed. He agreed to pay the bride price amount requested by the woman’s family, and kept begging my girlfriend, coaxing her and offering to transfer money, which put my girlfriend in a difficult position.

I really want her to break up, because with such a difficult mother-in-law, her days after marrying into the family will definitely not be easy, but she is pregnant. Do you guys think my girlfriend should marry him?

Since losing my beloved, I’ve been supporting a family alone, with mortgage, car loan, children’s education, and elderly care. Working 10 hours a day, single rest every week. I support this with pain and hardship, and I didn’t want to, and didn’t have the right, to think about my future companionship, but seeing the children’s emotions suppressed every day, and myself being depressed because of losing my love, I didn’t want to continue like this, as it was bad for the children and myself, so I thought about stepping out and not being so depressed anymore.

A year ago, I posted on 19th Floor (a local online forum) by chance, and received a reply from a girl that day. I was happy and grateful for God’s grace and favor. This girl I met was almost 10 years younger than me, and lived with her son after the divorce. After dating, I felt that the two of us had the same values and personality, and we were both very satisfied with each other.

But my work unit and her work unit, as well as the children’s schools and homes, were not in the same direction, and they were all nearly 40 minutes away by car. I could only go between school, home, and company every day, and so did she. This meant there was no time to spend together at all, only on Sunday when we had a day off. She also had to go to her ex-husband’s house to pick up her younger son to spend time with him. After a year, we were separated more often than we were together, and conflicts gradually appeared.

She complained that I never took her and the children to school or work, complained that I only cared about my daughter and not them, complained that I had no money, complained that I put her in second place…. and I was also very distressed. In Hangzhou, I was the only one taking my daughter to school, without any relatives. I could only take my daughter to school and pick her up every day. So gradually she began to lose confidence, and I also had the idea of giving up because it was too difficult.

Recently, because of her child’s schoolwork, I advised her not to beat or scold the child. She said, “I’m beating my own son, not your daughter, it’s none of your business.” Then she hung up the phone. I was also very angry. I was kindly advising her, and I hoped she would understand me, and that we could find a solution together. I also knew my current situation and conditions, and I was not qualified to find a partner again, especially since she needed a man to go to her home to help her share the burden, and I couldn’t do that even more.

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So you are very conflicted, very contradictory, you know that between you and her, if she has no confidence and no courage to face it, no matter what you say, no matter what you do, she will not believe it, because you really can’t pick them up every day to pick them up from school, but you are reluctant to part with this relationship, because from your and her relationship, you can feel this affection, she does not deny that she does not like you at all, but the reality is so cruel, you understand her, a person taking the child apologized and coaxed over. Sometimes you don’t reply to her because you sleep for a long time at noon, or you don’t reply in time when you’re free at work, and she gets very unhappy. You really want to get rid of her shackles now, the pretense of the girls is really deadly, if this time she asks to break up with you, you must agree.

The child is about to enter the junior high school sprint stage, and the whole family is also nervous. This summer, the whole family will focus on accompanying the child! Record the daily routine!

Every day at 7:30 am, Dad gets up to cook breakfast, I get up at 8 am to wash up, and around 8:15, I call the child to get up, wash up, and eat breakfast, and then go out for swimming class at 8:50. The most recent test was 2.44 seconds (3.30 seconds is full score for the high school entrance exam), which is still acceptable. After taking the child to the gym, I go to work. Because we are self-employed, the time is relatively free, and the summer vacation is also the off-season. Although we can’t make money, we can safely spend more time with our children. Around 10:20, Dad picks up the child on time, and then takes them home to wash their hair and shower, and cook lunch. Here I want to praise my Dad, who has contracted the child’s food and pickup this summer vacation, which is really not easy. Sometimes he has to work a little, and I’m a hands-off shopkeeper, going home to eat ready-made food.

After lunch and a short break, we leave around 13:10 for class, having signed up for English and Math. The child has always been a child who doesn’t make people worry, and the grades have been hovering around the middle level, occasionally in the middle to upper level. At this critical moment of rising to junior high school, they are willing to take tutoring themselves. I don’t know how much they can learn, but the old mother is very satisfied to be able to maintain the state of learning.

In the evening, at 17:10, Dad picks me up from work, and then we pick up the child together to go home, buying some vegetables and fruits on the way, chatting with the child about interesting things in learning along the way. We also focus on encouragement, trying to create a pleasant atmosphere, which is conducive to maintaining a good parent-child relationship.

Then Dad prepares dinner at home, and the child rests first, eats some snacks, and plays with the mobile phone or watches TV. For the child’s love of playing with the mobile phone, we parents are responsible, and we didn’t cultivate good habits since childhood, leading to playing with the mobile phone whenever there is time now. Seeing that they have been studying for a day, we will turn a blind eye, because it’s useless to say more, and it’s not good to have a fight with you, the children in adolescence can’t be provoked!

Around 18:50, we start to eat dinner, which is also the most caring time for the family (especially for a foodie child, according to her: “If you are not active in eating, there is a problem with your thinking, the favorite thing is eating”), we will chat about interesting things in each other’s learning life. After a rest before dinner, we have to urge her to do her homework. At this time, she must put down her mobile phone. The child’s speed of doing homework is still relatively fast, finishing the amount of a day in at most one hour, but she doesn’t like reading. We will persevere with her, reading for about half an hour, and the child will start to feel tired and can’t read anymore. Okay, I hope we can persevere longer tomorrow.

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