WLTGWITU Chapter 16

I still don’t have any initiative. During the mediation, my Husband still said a lot of hurtful things. Maybe this is where life can’t always be perfect. Whatever.

I thought about divorce, but then I thought about the children. The children are innocent. If we divorce, it will be a huge hurt to them. What kind of people will they become with later education? I don’t have the courage to make this bet. At night, the child’s mumble in a dream, a phrase of “I love you, Mom” on the way to school in the morning, made me feel that even if I am uncomfortable, I should just endure it and let it pass.

Writing this, I’m already in tears. I’m really tired. What can comfort me is that at least I have that little salary to use. At least I have a little right to control money. That’s already progress, right?

Some people may scold me for being so weak. I want to fight on. Will my Husband wake up? Just like Fan Shengmei’s mom thinks she is exploiting her daughter? Reality is cruel. Awakening is not at least not now. When he sonorously states his own reasons, I see clearly that these ways of thinking are deeply rooted in his mind and difficult to change.

I’ve been married to my Wife for 6 years. I’ve been working in another city diligently. In my career, I’ve gone from being an intern to a department head. I haven’t forgotten to take care of my family. I come back 1-2 times a week. The child is 5 years old now. Usually, my Mom and Wife live together. My Wife is from another place and married far away. Recently, I’ve been remotely handling the relationship between my Mother-in-law and my Wife. It’s because my older sister’s business is doing very well, so my parents went to my sister’s house to help. The child is with them at the shop. (The elders don’t take care of her, they just give her a phone to watch TV for a long time.) My Wife feels that my Mom only has her daughter in her heart, not her son. She only knows how to help her daughter take care of her business. In the end, she got angry with my sister, and also with me.

I think women value their children more strongly, and that’s understandable. I also know that the relationship between husband and wife comes first, and the relationship with parents comes second. It’s really not easy for my Wife to marry far away. I digest everything myself. I don’t lose my temper after marriage. Just digest it myself! My Wife thinks I’m blindly obedient. Sigh! It’s really difficult to handle in practice!

Da Bao is one and a half years old. I found out I was pregnant with our second child in October. We bought a house in the provincial capital city in 2019, with a mortgage. We don’t have a car. Our combined annual income is only over two hundred thousand. Most of the down payment for the house was my own savings from before.

Today, looking at two bills, I realized that my Husband has been going out to find prostitutes about twice a month since Da Bao was half a year old, including the night before my amniocentesis for my second pregnancy. At first, he stubbornly refused to admit it. Later, he said that he was under too much pressure and needed to go out and relax. I’m completely stunned. I’ve always trusted him so much. Now, I don’t know what to do. I want to get rid of the child in my belly and get a divorce immediately. If I divorce, I won’t be able to work and take care of the child alone. If I divorce, I can only give Da Bao to him. I really can’t let go of my child…

A Xiao and I have known each other for more than ten years. We went through the heavy burden of studying for exams together, and we spent our unrestrained youth together.

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Were you two junior high school classmates? Because of your height and grades, you have never been deskmates, not even in front of or behind each other, so the relationship has been flat and lukewarm for three years, and the most intersection is when you meet at a snack stall after school.
After graduating from junior high school, on the day I received my admission notice, I realized that our houses were only a street apart. The vacation was long and boring, and the two of us made an appointment to hang out when we met. During that vacation, I basically stayed in her small and hot attic room. The two of us lay and rolled on the wooden floor, crying together for the stories in the novel, and fooling each other’s parents to save the novel from death.
Before school started, the schools of the two were very far apart, and she was a boarding student. We only met once on special festivals, and there was no extra time to get along. Whenever I went back, my parents would ask me to take her home for dinner. My parents liked her very much, and often said that she was the second daughter of our family, because she had a gentleness that I didn’t have, and I was also very happy that she could become another member of my family. Of course, she and my mother, who hated gossiping, also hit it off, and the two families got along like relatives who had known each other for a long time.
The thing that I was most able and liked to share during high school was the bright and shy emotional stories. She had a crush on a boy, and every time we got together, she always liked to tell me those shy emotions. Although I had never met him and didn’t know the mood of their getting along, I became familiar with him in a different way after listening to it a lot. During the summer vacation that year, A Xiao stuffed me with a piece of paper with a string of numbers on it. She said it was his QQ number, and asked me to help her find out about his daily dynamics and emotional state. Without saying anything, I followed her instructions, passed the friend verification, and began to investigate his every move.
That girl didn’t ask too much about your intentions either, and only thought that you were a boy who was pursuing him. Because we went to different schools, there were many topics to talk about, and we usually chatted about things about academics, but because A Xiao kept talking about him in your ear, I knew everything about his interests, characteristics, and hobbies. A semester passed, and without A Xiao knowing, we became more and more familiar and more and more compatible.
One ordinary holiday, he sent a message saying that he was doing errands in the city, and asked me if I could take him to that place because he wasn’t familiar with it. I told A Xiao that he was in the city and asked her to contact him and give him a ride. A Xiao refused at that time and asked me to go for her. I know that she is afraid of taking the initiative, so she has been hiding in a corner so hard all these years.
That’s how I met him. The first time I saw him, he was even more handsome than described, chubby and tall, sunny and clean. He just smiled at you, and you felt like you were old friends who had known each other for a long time. We naturally chatted about some trivial things on the way. After helping him with everything, we had a meal together as a thank you.
Since then, the relationship between each other has become subtle. Because of A Xiao, I hid my feelings, and when he said that, I deleted all contact with him. This incident has also become my only secret with A Xiao. Later, until graduation from high school, A Xiao never expressed her feelings to him, and those thoughts later became her ignorant jokes.
For me, that past seems to have no regrets. Even if you are also trapped in that subtle emotion, but it is, that emotion is nothing. It is not worth testing the friendship of young people, and it is not worth disregarding her friendship. Because you know that the most important thing for you is her!

View original post: Husband asks for money to make me doubt life
This quarrel has been going on for the fourth day, and we have entered a cold war period.

Because I still haven’t transferred less than 30,000 yuan of my salary to him, he has given me the black hat of being selfish, self-interested, and having no family values. Actually, I thought about it. After so many years of marriage, in the end, I only have this less than 30,000 yuan of backup money in my hand, which is very meager for an average family. Not to mention that I also used this backup money to pay for my child’s tuition before. I didn’t hide it, and I didn’t let anyone down.

In the beginning, I couldn’t help it, so I confided to my Girlfriend. My Girlfriends were all surprised. They originally thought that you were someone who didn’t worry about money at all, but in reality, you didn’t have any savings. It’s not how you usually package yourself, it’s that you didn’t think it was a problem before, and you always felt that there was nothing to say about contributing to your family. Maybe I was thoroughly brainwashed before. I have a very weak ability to solve problems myself. Basically, no matter how tangled and sad I am, the second day will be much better.

Back to the main topic, my friends also gave me some ideas. When I got home that day, I made a detailed table of family expenses for the past year, listing the total expenses and details, and sent it to my Husband. What he criticizes me the most is the expense of clothes. I spent a total of more than 17,000 yuan on clothes last year. I asked my friends, and they said it was normal, and not more than a salaried family. And all other expenses are on the family and children.

When my old Husband gets angry, he says that he will ask you not to come to “his” Company next year, and he will also sell the store that you managed and built from scratch. Maybe his so-called words of wanting to “sweep you out the door” are just angry words, but he also directly called two relevant personnel and told them about this so-called decision. The other party called to ask you what was going on, which completely angered you.

I said, even if you want to sell the store, you have to make a plan. It is irrational to sell the most profitable store now.

He said, he decided it himself.

I said, you are not qualified to decide this matter yourself.

I told my private Husband the cause and effect, and by the way, asked him about the situation of the funds, because you think he is always pretending to be poor to you. Private Husband also told you that in fact he has savings. Maybe not much, but not so poor.

I secretly decided that my own foolish efforts without expecting anything in return would end here. I contracted the store that I set up myself. As for the others, as long as I still need to do things later, I will take away profits.

This decision is not to say that I must leave the family, but to protect my own family and children. Children need education and investment; families need to live well and need expenses; if I still have to ask for it from his mouth and rely on his Husband’s charity, I still have to look at his Husband’s face. The economic base determines the superstructure. He could scold you casually for the past seven years, but you won’t let him knead you so casually in the future. To be honest, because of some of his careless words over the years, you have seen a psychologist, and you have had depressed emotions before. You are always thinking about how to do better and how to adjust. In marriage, you are a soft and strong person, which is indeed very different from you at work.

And these days of cold war are actually nothing to me. I used to study abroad and always lived alone. Except for the necessary communication, I can not speak usually. I have many hobbies to do.

And also the children, I think now you can spend less to take care of them and accompany them.

I am also very grateful to the friends on the platform. Your comments have given me more determination. Make me feel like I am on the side of reason.

If there are any new changes in the follow-up, I will also tell everyone, thank you happy.

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